Relationship Rubric: Fostering Student-Teacher Bonds

This is part 1 in a series of discussions on relationships in and out of the classroom.  Part 2 will cover Student-Student relationships, and Part 3 will look at Teacher-Teacher relationships.

A couple weeks back, my sociology class was discussing education in America today, and specifically, the importance of the relationship between students and their teachers.  When asked how many of them had experienced a negative relationship with a teacher, more than half of the students raised their hands.  Now, some of that is because some students think the natural enemy of students are teachers- they are going to find fault because it is what cynical, angsty teens do.  But students related experiences where teachers didn't keep their word, or didn't forgive, or "didn't care." I made sure that the students kept their talk anonymous- no names of these teachers, but the students related specific examples of how they had felt hurt by teachers.

Fearing that this would let students turn the session into a roast, I turned the talk to what makes the perfect teacher.  Students quickly filled the board with these phrases:

I then took it one step further and had students write little notes to the teachers who had been something like this to them in their time in high school.  The discussion about what makes a good teacher was truly fruitful for me- and the students.  Watching their faces light up as they talked about teachers who had made a difference- not anonymous this time- showed me how much the bond between students and teachers really does matter.

So, I wanted to look at a few of the "Perfect Teacher" attributes, and relate them to a Relationship Rubric for us teachers.

Interactive

A big complaint was teachers who talk AT students.  Now, I am not a lecture-basher.  I think lecture has a place in a classroom, if for no other reason than getting them used to college where it is the primary form of instruction.  But students want to share their voice and know they have been heard.  They want to get up and move around, they want to use their hands, and they want to be interactive WITH the teacher.  They want to know about the teacher, so don't be a total mystery.  Be human.  Tell stories about you to connect you to the lesson and then, by extension, the students.  Laugh with them, build time, even just a little bit, to get to know more than their name.  Pay attention to their interests, and ask them about them.  BE AVAILABLE.

Understanding

Last night, my wife's car battery died. I galantly run to her rescue, go to hook up the cables and realize I can't find the battery on my car. Jumped cars numerous times, but no clue where the thing is. And my wife's co-workers (she's a teacher,too) were all around and had to use their car because they could find their battery. I felt like a failure. 

You ever had a bad day?  Ever struggled with learning in front of your peers?  Some students experience that 6-7 times a day!

Try to remember that students have tough things, too. That silly relationship that they are having issues in is not so silly to them. Give space, then give a non-judging ear. 

Helps you grow/challenges you

A lot of teachers hear that phrase "challenge" and go to rigorous tests. For my students, almost universally, "challenge" meant the way they think. The way they approach problems on a worksheet and in life.  Personally, if I've got a classroom of students who pass my class and still think the way they did before they entered, then I've failed. I don't challenge their worldview and approach to learning with a test, I do it with a question, a smile, and another question from an angle they didn't expect. Then close with a smile. 

Takes time to explain/patient

You didn't always know what you know. You were not always the expert in the room.  Sometimes, in making the effort to go over the same concept for the tenth time that day, the student gets it. And while you will go home and whine about how long it took for the student to get it, the student will go home believing someone cares. 

Caring/Encouraging

I teach electives, so I don't have a lot of students come in for tutorials. Yet I often have students come in to talk or study or ask for advice. My door is one that is open, and I often get students who want to talk about things they don't feel they can talk to other adults about. If you've taught for very long, you have this too. Why?  Because at some point you've shown you care, and you've made yourself available. 

Students sometimes need someone to talk to. Sometimes it's about school, career, college, or relationships. But it always matters to them. Let them know it matters to you, too. 

The Payoff

When I did that lesson, and asked about "perfect teachers," I heard a couple students not so quietly say, "Just put Lehrmann up there."  In humility, I ignored it. But I kept that one for the rough days. I'm not perfect, and they know that. But what I think they implied was that I was a teacher who cared about the relationship I had with my students. I want to be the kind of teacher that students will someday tell their kids, "I hope you have a Lehrmann for a teacher. He was fun, and he asked tough questions, but he was great because he wanted to connect with his students beyond the content. He made me think about life by sharing his, and I'm better for it."

Relationship Rubric: Fostering Student-Student Bonds

This is part 2 in a series of discussions on relationships in and out of the classroom.  Part 1 covered Teacher-Student relationships, and Part 3 will look at Teacher-Teacher relationships.

If the teacher-student relationship is one of the most important relationships in education, right up there with it is the student-student relationship.  Good student relationships can be extremely beneficial in young person's education, but bad relationships can undo any good accomplishments.

Today, I want to look at three relationships between students that we observe, defend against, or hope to create:  The Partners, The Hobblers, and The Coaches.

The Partners
My family has recently been watching old episodes of Boy Meets World.  The main character, Cory, and his best friend Shawn are perpetual partners in group assignments.  Its a recurring gag that the two boisterously choose each other as soon as the teacher mentions the word "partner."

We have our Corys and Shawns in our classes.  And we need to watch them closely, because they can be forces for good, or for evil.  Cory and Shawn on the show get in trouble, but they also stumble into learning some pretty deep lessons.  The thing about the Partners in our classes is that they are often equally yoked- they are at the same basic level of understanding, and their interest and effort hang out at the same height or depth.

As teachers, we can put a gentle breeze in their sales, or we can take the wind from them.  Partners exist in a sort of equilibrium- if one rises, the other rises.  If one falters, well...

We have a unique opportunity with Partners- to educate two students with one effort.  If we can reach one, we have a connection to both. But to lose one is to lose both.  The truth is, Partners are stronger together.  As teachers, we just need to help channel their strength toward positive efforts.  If they misbehave, it is unwise to try to turn one against the other.  Instead, we must try to refocus BOTH of their energies on the right path. If we can't, then the Partners become the Hobblers.

The Hobblers
Some relationships are just anchors dragging us down to the depths.  When Partners go negative, no desire for improvement is present, then you have Hobblers.

Hobblers are Partners that have given in to mutually assured destruction.  We can see it when a student is clearly being negatively influenced by a friend- and our instinct is to try to separate them.  But what happens?  They unite against us.  So, how do we deal with Hobblers?

The only way for this relationship to be repaired is for one to realize that the other is toxic to their education, and to their life in general.  Because teachers can see this so clearly, we think it is an easy fix- just walk away.

But relationships are never that simple.

We must take care, be patient, and try our best to demonstrate our care and concern for EACH student INDIVIDUALLY.  Not actively trying to separate them, but consciously praising the individual effort of each one.  Hobblers believe they need each other to basically survive.  If we can show them they have success on their own, we can loosen the hold Hobblers have on each other.  Pointing our how bad they are for each other is actually counterproductive- so we patiently seek the opportunities to see the individual- then point it out.

The Coaches
Both previous groups are equally yoked.  This group is about one student who takes another on.  We see it often in peer tutoring, but I believe it is vital in the classroom in general.  If you have a class that has varying age ranges, please realize this is a blessing, not a curse.  Utilize your more mature students to work with you to engage the class.  Purposely seat a Coaching student near those who could benefit from their knowledge and behavior.

Now, this is very important:  No matter how great we think a student would be as a Coach in the class, if the student does not want to take on that responsibility, NEVER force it on them.  Sometimes, a Coaching student needs to know you trust them and have their back (see, teacher-student relations are vital here, too).  Sometimes, a Coaching student has never had a teacher entrust them with such an important role.  Sometimes, a Coaching student doesn't want to be seen as a teacher's pet.  These are real concerns, and just like Partners and Hobblers, Coaches can require patience on our part as we help to mold and prepare them to be leaders.

I cannot stress the importance of Coaches enough.  They can act as very important "translators" in our classes.  They can take "teacher talk" and interpret it into "student speak."  Their perspective is closer to their peers, and often have a more connected wording than our carefully crafted lessons ever could.  Aside from the benefits for the students they coach, there is a benefit for the Coaches themselves.  As they try to interpret for us, they wrestle with the content in new ways, developing their own sort of rigor as they do.  And when students learn that your classroom is one where students can lead- the benefits multiply.

The Rubric
The simple math here is this:  Positive relationships between students = benefits for each other.  Positive student relationships multiplied by positive teacher-student interactions = benefits for the class as a whole.  Our goal as teachers should be a classroom that feels safe to learn, and safe to take risks in learning.  In order to get there, we have to develop these relationships.  Actively, yet with care, concern and patience.

Classroom Coaching- It's All Relational

The following is an altered (read: longer) version of a blog I did for our campus Instructional Coaches' blog. 

Why coaching in the classroom?

As a part of our District's Teacher Leader Academy, three other teachers on my campus and I were asked to help answer that question at the start of this semester.  We believe it is all about perspective- getting to see our classroom through the eyes of another teacher and even through the digital eye of the SWIVL.  We have heard some great stories of classroom activities and lessons that have been observed, and amazing conversations that have begun as a result of your time in your colleague's class.

Now, as we are wrapping up our post-observation conferences, we'd like to revisit the question of "Why coaching in the classroom?"

And the conversations we have heard about have brought about an interesting additional reason for this campus-wide endeavor:  relationships.

We talk about how vital relationships are to our students- it is one of our 3R's, after all ( the others being Rigor and Relevance) so why shouldn't it also be vital to our campus coaching model?  If the long-term goal is for us all to be comfortable with other teachers in our rooms or observing video of our classes so we can share insight, corrections, and, yes, much needed "atta-boys;" then we should definitely use this opportunity to build relationships.  

So how do we build those relationships? We all have packed schedules and busy lives on and off campus. That's where the small things we do can make a difference. Short but meaningful hallway talks, little notes of encouragement, engaging in Twitter Chats and the list goes on. But I think the MOST important thing we can do is encourage. 

It is great when we tell our colleagues "Good Job!"  I love hearing that. But our teacher leaders, our department heads in particular, have an awesome opportunity to give meaningful, powerful encouragement. Don't be afraid of being accused of having favorites- LOOK for specific positives you can encourage your teachers with. IT MATTERS!

But coaching isn't all "Hoorays!"

When someone we are close to offers a critique, it will still sting a bit.  But we understand it to be said for our benefit because we know they care.  When someone we do not have a relationship with offers a critique, we feel judged.  The first example is how coaching should be.  And while coaching implies a closeness, judgment is from a distance.  no one wants judgment, right?

Here are two quotes from Coach John Wooden that I think will clarify what I'm trying to say:

  “A coach is someone who can give correction without causing resentment.” 

If we resent what we are being told to do, we will not listen.  So, how can we, as the coach, make sure that what we say is giving "correction without causing resentment?"  Quote two:

“Seek opportunities to show you care. The smallest gestures often make the biggest difference.” 

Coach Wooden has always come across as the kind of coach who expected the best from his players, and got it by building strong positive relationships with his players.  He seems to understand that coaching requires a connection with the coached that goes beyond getting the fundamentals down and winning the game.  It is about developing an atmosphere on the team that is one of mutual respect and shared vision, all fostered by caring and concern for each others' success.

Why coaching in the classroom?

Coaching is important because "Pursuing Perfection, Achieving Excellence" is dependent on us working together.  Coaching in the classroom allows us to gain a new perspective, but that perspective is most effective when it comes from a place of strong relationship.  As a campus, our desire is to "Have Success, Because of Each Other." (Quote courtesy of Molly Sanders)

Our questions to you are these:

1) How important is it to you to know that your colleagues care about you?

2) How has another teacher helped you to find success because of this- or another- coaching opportunity? 

3) How can you show another teacher your care and concern for their success moving forward?