This is part 2 in a series of discussions on relationships in and out of the classroom. Part 1 covered Teacher-Student relationships, and Part 3 will look at Teacher-Teacher relationships.
If the teacher-student relationship is one of the most important relationships in education, right up there with it is the student-student relationship. Good student relationships can be extremely beneficial in young person's education, but bad relationships can undo any good accomplishments.
Today, I want to look at three relationships between students that we observe, defend against, or hope to create: The Partners, The Hobblers, and The Coaches.
The Partners
My family has recently been watching old episodes of Boy Meets World. The main character, Cory, and his best friend Shawn are perpetual partners in group assignments. Its a recurring gag that the two boisterously choose each other as soon as the teacher mentions the word "partner."
We have our Corys and Shawns in our classes. And we need to watch them closely, because they can be forces for good, or for evil. Cory and Shawn on the show get in trouble, but they also stumble into learning some pretty deep lessons. The thing about the Partners in our classes is that they are often equally yoked- they are at the same basic level of understanding, and their interest and effort hang out at the same height or depth.
As teachers, we can put a gentle breeze in their sales, or we can take the wind from them. Partners exist in a sort of equilibrium- if one rises, the other rises. If one falters, well...
We have a unique opportunity with Partners- to educate two students with one effort. If we can reach one, we have a connection to both. But to lose one is to lose both. The truth is, Partners are stronger together. As teachers, we just need to help channel their strength toward positive efforts. If they misbehave, it is unwise to try to turn one against the other. Instead, we must try to refocus BOTH of their energies on the right path. If we can't, then the Partners become the Hobblers.
The Hobblers
Some relationships are just anchors dragging us down to the depths. When Partners go negative, no desire for improvement is present, then you have Hobblers.
Hobblers are Partners that have given in to mutually assured destruction. We can see it when a student is clearly being negatively influenced by a friend- and our instinct is to try to separate them. But what happens? They unite against us. So, how do we deal with Hobblers?
The only way for this relationship to be repaired is for one to realize that the other is toxic to their education, and to their life in general. Because teachers can see this so clearly, we think it is an easy fix- just walk away.
But relationships are never that simple.
We must take care, be patient, and try our best to demonstrate our care and concern for EACH student INDIVIDUALLY. Not actively trying to separate them, but consciously praising the individual effort of each one. Hobblers believe they need each other to basically survive. If we can show them they have success on their own, we can loosen the hold Hobblers have on each other. Pointing our how bad they are for each other is actually counterproductive- so we patiently seek the opportunities to see the individual- then point it out.
The Coaches
Both previous groups are equally yoked. This group is about one student who takes another on. We see it often in peer tutoring, but I believe it is vital in the classroom in general. If you have a class that has varying age ranges, please realize this is a blessing, not a curse. Utilize your more mature students to work with you to engage the class. Purposely seat a Coaching student near those who could benefit from their knowledge and behavior.
Now, this is very important: No matter how great we think a student would be as a Coach in the class, if the student does not want to take on that responsibility, NEVER force it on them. Sometimes, a Coaching student needs to know you trust them and have their back (see, teacher-student relations are vital here, too). Sometimes, a Coaching student has never had a teacher entrust them with such an important role. Sometimes, a Coaching student doesn't want to be seen as a teacher's pet. These are real concerns, and just like Partners and Hobblers, Coaches can require patience on our part as we help to mold and prepare them to be leaders.
I cannot stress the importance of Coaches enough. They can act as very important "translators" in our classes. They can take "teacher talk" and interpret it into "student speak." Their perspective is closer to their peers, and often have a more connected wording than our carefully crafted lessons ever could. Aside from the benefits for the students they coach, there is a benefit for the Coaches themselves. As they try to interpret for us, they wrestle with the content in new ways, developing their own sort of rigor as they do. And when students learn that your classroom is one where students can lead- the benefits multiply.
The Rubric
The simple math here is this: Positive relationships between students = benefits for each other. Positive student relationships multiplied by positive teacher-student interactions = benefits for the class as a whole. Our goal as teachers should be a classroom that feels safe to learn, and safe to take risks in learning. In order to get there, we have to develop these relationships. Actively, yet with care, concern and patience.
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