I know, because 17 years ago, I was one of them.
Many students have dreams. They are good dreams, but often not attainable. (See every season of American Idol ever.)
But these are just a few of those whose dreams will not come true.
Those thousands I talked of are the students who are going to be doctors, lawyers, scientists, entertainers, athletes- and then one little thing goes wrong. Some students have dreams that just will not come true, and they have to learn to deal with that in their own way and own time- whether an injury ends their career or the talent just isn't what they thought it would be.
And most students believe their dream has died.
But what if it hasn't?
I believe as educators, we might be able to see something that the student themselves cannot see. That their dream is not the career they want, but the thing that career would allow them to do.
Confused? Well, dreams can be confusing, so let me explain with my own story.
My Story
As a high school junior, I wanted to be a lawyer/politician. I wanted to win court cases for the innocent and downtrodden or hold office and make the world a better place. Inexplicably, my dream changed my senior year to be a psychiatrist. I think it had to do with everyone telling me I was too honest to be a lawyer. But the psychiatrist thing would allow me to help people, and make a lot of money. (Remember, I'm a high school senior at that point and I do not understand anything about the world.)
I started Texas A&M with a Psych major on the pre-med track. I sat in that meeting where you were asked to look to your left and right and realize one of them wouldn't be there in a year. I took special note of my two neighbors, because they were the ones leaving.
Then I failed Biology.
OK, well, I didn't fail it- I dropped it with a 46 average. Bye, bye med school.
But I could still be a psychologist. It would mean I could counsel and aid people. It would mean getting a Ph.D, but hey, whatever.
My sophomore year, my dad died. He had retired from the Highway Department as a Chief Accountant and taken a job as an aide in an Emotionally Disturbed (now Adaptive Behavior) class at my old Junior High to have something to do. What he did was make a difference with kids others struggled with for 4 years. Then he died.
I wanted to help people like my dad had. So, I went into the ministry instead of counseling. I did this for over ten years. Then I burned out. I had wanted to make a difference with people, I had dreams of starting a church for college students (which I got to do) and being a big-time speaker (which I did not get to do), all of which had me making a difference. There were a lot of factors- not the least of which was working a day job as a tax collector which sucked my soul out- that lead to this burn-out.
But at the heart was that I felt I no longer was making a difference in people's lives.
I got laid off from the tax collection job, and took to subbing in schools. Then I got an aide job. Then I got my current job, teaching high school social studies and coaching speech.
Then I realized my dream had come true. Not the fantasy of money and fame- no the DREAM of having a chance to make a difference in people's lives.
Dream vs. Fantasy
Most of us confuse dreams and fantasies. Fantasies are the sugar-coated versions of dreams. It is the wealth, fame, honor, and recognition that a few people get along with their dream. My high school is seeing some students moving towards their fantasy- scholarships to D1 schools for sports, scholarships for fine arts at prestigious universities. But the vast majority of students will not experience fantasies. They will not make the pros, star in movies, be the face of a major medical endeavor, or walk on Mars. Winning American Idol is not a dream, it is a fantasy and very few get to live it out.
But that does not mean the rest of the people see their dream die.
See, under that thick layer of fantasy icing, a dream still dwells. A dream is achievable for most, if not all students. We just have to help students- and ourselves- see that the dream is closer to reality than we think.
Fantasies can be taken away from us- but dreams are in our souls.
Finding the Dream
In my story, my fantasy was a prestigious job and maybe some fame and money. But my dream was simpler, attainable. My dream- through the lawyer phase, psychiatrist phase, ministry phase and now teacher phase has always been the same:
To make a difference in people's lives.
The dream was the heartbeat of the fantasy, not the other way around. A baseball players fantasy is to play for the Yankees or Rangers or Cardinals- but their dream is to be a part of America's pastime. An entertainer's fantasy is to see their name in lights, fill stadiums or theaters- but their dream is to make people feel, to connect with an audience. A doctor's fantasy is to cure cancer or AIDS-their dream is to save a life.
Our students will tell you their fantasy when we ask what their dreams are. And we will play the realist and try to help them see that only a rare few get Oscars, Grammys, MLB MVP's, or Rookies of the Year.
And we will miss their dream, and crush their spirit.
So, when a student tells you their fantasy, look for the dream. The fantasy is the accolades they receive for fulfilling the dream. The dream is what they want to do.
Make a difference. Be a part of their sport. Connect with people, Heal. Save lives. Make someone laugh. Give someone comfort. Work with kids/animals/the earth. Grow something that feeds people. Build something that makes life easier. Have a family. Raise strong, well adjusted kids.
Dreams can be achieved. They need to be. When a fantasy becomes impossible, we must help the dreamer see that that does not mean the dream is over. It just means the fluff is gone, and the real good stuff is still waiting to be explored.
Dream. Because even if your fantasy never comes true, it is your dream that will give you purpose and focus. It will give you life.
Finding the Dream
In my story, my fantasy was a prestigious job and maybe some fame and money. But my dream was simpler, attainable. My dream- through the lawyer phase, psychiatrist phase, ministry phase and now teacher phase has always been the same:
To make a difference in people's lives.
The dream was the heartbeat of the fantasy, not the other way around. A baseball players fantasy is to play for the Yankees or Rangers or Cardinals- but their dream is to be a part of America's pastime. An entertainer's fantasy is to see their name in lights, fill stadiums or theaters- but their dream is to make people feel, to connect with an audience. A doctor's fantasy is to cure cancer or AIDS-their dream is to save a life.
Our students will tell you their fantasy when we ask what their dreams are. And we will play the realist and try to help them see that only a rare few get Oscars, Grammys, MLB MVP's, or Rookies of the Year.
And we will miss their dream, and crush their spirit.
So, when a student tells you their fantasy, look for the dream. The fantasy is the accolades they receive for fulfilling the dream. The dream is what they want to do.
Make a difference. Be a part of their sport. Connect with people, Heal. Save lives. Make someone laugh. Give someone comfort. Work with kids/animals/the earth. Grow something that feeds people. Build something that makes life easier. Have a family. Raise strong, well adjusted kids.
Dreams can be achieved. They need to be. When a fantasy becomes impossible, we must help the dreamer see that that does not mean the dream is over. It just means the fluff is gone, and the real good stuff is still waiting to be explored.
Dream. Because even if your fantasy never comes true, it is your dream that will give you purpose and focus. It will give you life.
I have finally realized that my dream is more than the job I do- it is the manner in which I want to live my life. May that be your dream as well.
Live.
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